A Great and Terrible Beauty

Everything Happens For A Reason

2010-03-22T16:22:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling down, just not liking how life was going and feeling like everything was going wrong for me and it was just not fun. Spring break gave me a chance to kind of take a break and figure some stuff out. I've always beleived everything happens for a reason, but it's been hard to think that lately because, well, like i said, everything was going wrong and I couldn't find a reason behind it. But there were reasons, they just weren't reasons I wanted. However, after a day of reflecting a bit today, I've come to accept that somethings happen for reasons that aren't easy for you, but benefit the lives of others you love and care about. Ok, I realize this is really vague, but get over it, cause I'm gonna keep going. You may think there's a reason something should happen one way but then it happens another. So of course you can't see THAT reason because you think your reasoning is correct. Well it's not, and sometimes it sucks, a lot. Sometimes something happens that you feel is unfair or harsh. You may feel hurt, betrayed, and just plain upset. There is a reason for all of this, and no, it's not just because God feels like pushing you around a bit. It's because He sees a much bigger picture and what will eventually be better for everyone in the long run. Accepting what has happened or is happening and accepting that He is looking out for you is the easiest way to feel better about what's going on and that he has something (or someone) else in mind for you.

My Thoughts on Web 2.0

2009-12-02T10:12:00.000-08:00

So I'm in computers class right now and this is an assignment. We were supposed to make blogs and post something about Web 2.0 but I already have a blog so I'm just posting.
Web 2.0 is amazing. Granted some of us people have become a little addicted and over-reliant, but it is still a wonderful thing. For example, I've connected with friends that moved away in elementary school through Facebook. I'm able to know how my friends, family, sports teams, favorite bands, etc. are doing. I have a place to put all my pictures and videos so they don't fill up memory on my computer. I think Web 2.0 affects our society in both productive and destructive ways. It's productive in all the ways I listed before. However, internet stalkers, pedophiles, etc. have complete access to anyone they would like.

College

2009-07-13T10:16:00.000-07:00

Ok, well, since it's officially been...forever since I last posted I figured while I'm sitting in bed wondering if it's worth it to get up and get ready I'd update a bit. It's summer. Yay! Except not so much because all I do is work and sleep. *sigh* I need a life. Anyway, getting super stoked for college though! I checked my roomate out on facebook and she seems pretty much amazing! I'm way excited! Her name's Andie and I think we'll get along great! Oh, and I'm going to SUU. Don't think a lot of people know that. Dunno what I'm gonna major in yet though. Oh well, I got time. I'm a little bummed out that all my friends are staying here, but it'll be SOOOO nice to get away. Plus, making new friends is great. :)
1...2...3... TOPIC CHANGE!!! wow, ok, so Harry Potter 6 comes out on wednesday and I'm going to the midnight showing with 2 of my best friends! yay! It's gonna be awesome! And of course I work the next morning so I'm gonna be exhausted. Party. Granted, I always hate the movies cuz they suck compared to the books so I don't really know why I let myself get so excited but whatever.
Oh my gosh our power goes out so much! Sorry, random, but I just looked at my clock and it's flashing. We've seriously lost power like, 4 times in the past few days. Ugh! I blame the never ending construction work. Well....yah, that's pretty much all I got. So I'm gonna go back to doing nothing on Facebook! yay!

Change

2009-04-05T17:47:00.001-07:00

I realized I haven't posted in a month and should probably update, but the thing is I don't really know what to update about. I would like to talk about General Conference this weekend, but I don't really want to go get my notes and I don't really know how to write my thoughts anway. This has been a common problem lately. However, there was one talk that I really liked. Ugh, I can't even remember who said it...possibly Holland...I don't know. But it was on change. The examples and stuff he gave didn't really apply to me, but the all around topic and ways of dealing with change were really good for me.

I hate change. I'm not a fan of having to adjust to different situations, different places, different problems, etc. My main problem with change is friendships. Lately, it's been really hard. I mean, I understand that I'll be graduating in two months and it's probably for the best that we get used to going our seperate ways, but like I said, I'm not good at dealing with it. Friends I used to spend every waking minute with or talking to are moving on to other friendships. I hate the feelings of jealousy I'm suddenly consumed by, and the thousands of questions running in my head: what I did wrong, what I could have done, what I could still do; all of them pointless because the truth is there wasn't anything, life is just changing naturally. Other friends that I spent lunch with, had parties with, and saw and talked to frequently are rarely around. They are absorbed with plans for their future lives, which, unlike me, they have accepted will not include most the people they associated with.

Ok, I've got my notes now, it was Elder Snow that gave the talk. Anyway, he gave four steps to help with facing change.
1. Follow the Prophets
-I thought this mostly applied to changes in the world and how to deal with them, which is good and his advice was fantastic, but it didn't really apply to my situation.
2. Keep an eternal perspective
-This one really helped. Especially with my friend situation. I know that some of the friendships I have will be eternal. Even if I lose contact or grow distant from them now, if we strive to make the right choices, we will have eternity to catch up and spend time together. Throughout our lives we will form incredible friendships, however, 80% of these will lose strength over time. We can't dwell on the past and hold on to something that must change.
3. Have Faith
-Faith in Christ, faith in the plan. Change is an essential part of the plan, in all aspects. We need to have faith in Christ that things will be ok. Things will work out and if we keep Him in our lives then we will be able to cope with change and have someone to go to when others are disappearing.
4. Be of good cheer
-Change can be extremely hard some time. Changes in life's circumstances could include things like death of friends or family, this is a kind of change no one wants to deal with. But in company with having an eternal perspective, being of good cheer encourages us to look forward and hold on to the gosepl to guide us through change and challenges.

That ended up being a lot longer than I thought. Guess that means I'm good for another month. ;) Just kidding. Those are just my thoughts on that one talk, there were plenty that got me thinking and helped me out with a lot.

Desicions

2009-02-28T20:40:00.000-08:00

So, I was sitting around sick today reading a book. The character was trying to decide which college to go to. I suddenly had a reality check. I haven't decided what college I want to go to. I've been pretty set on BYUI, but I haven't even really looked at it or the other two colleges I've been accepted to. I also tell everyone that I want to major in teaching English, but I really haven't thought much about that either. It feels natural when I say it, but I haven't really checked out what I'm getting myself into. I had some encouragement from my 9th grade English teacher. I went to visit her and found out she got her English major from BYUI and said she liked it better there than BYU provo. So I guess that helped some. I guess my worry is that I've made decisions without really thinking about them. The character in my book was constantly praying and asking what they should do. I really haven't done a lot of that. I mean, I know they're all great choices, but maybe I'm really supposed to go somewhere God wants me to at this time in my life. A lot of my girl friends are talking about wanting to serve missions too. They asked if I wanted to and I said I didn't know, that I hadn't really thought about it. I'm terrified to ask about that though, 'cause if the answer is yes I might freak out a little. I guess I haven't really thought about how big these decisions are that I'm facing at this point in my life. But they pretty much can determine the rest of my life. And don't worry, I'm not like, 'freaking out' and 'under too much pressure' right now, I just needed to get my thoughts down in writing. Anyway, if anyone has some advice it's very welcome. :)

The Olden Days

2009-02-17T20:35:00.003-08:00

For Family Home Evening last night, we decided to get out some old family videos. We ended up watching them until about 10 o'clock. I really miss those days when things weren't so complicated and life was just good. My brothers and sisters were adorable and we all had fun together. Although, I did discover that Kate acts exactly like I did. That was quite strange and I'm still in denial about it. I think I'll be able to tolerate and understand her a little more easily though.

My dad revealed to us that when Colin was little, my dad thought he was giong to be retarded. We all got a huge laugh out of that and now Colin is using it to his advantage. Saying he doesn't have to do chores because he's retarded. We also started to worry a little bit about me and some of the strange things I did on film.

I loved seeing and remembering loved ones that have passed on and looking forward to the day when I'll see them again. It was funny to see some of my old friends who I'm still friends with now and how much they've changed.

Basically, we all had a great time sitting around, eating brownies, and watching ourselves. It felt good to spend time together. I got a little sad when I thought about how soon I'll be moving out and starting a life of my own. I hope I can create some awesome memories for my kids like my parents did for me.

Lacrosse

2009-02-03T21:07:00.000-08:00

It's been a couple week since I posted and I'm sitting here not wanting to go to bed so I guess I'll give some lacrosse updates. Today was our first stick practice...we shoveled snow the whole time. Coach was like, "We'll practice on the tennis courts because we can shovel that and the field is covered in snow." Yeah, uh, there was at least a foot of snow on the courts too. So after about an hour all 20 of us had managed to clear off about a quarter of one court. Kind of pointless. But it was fun nonetheless. Kay and Smallz were being crazy as always and I made the dumb mistake of tackling Kay into the snow. I was freezing the rest of the evening. Anyway, it was some cool bonding with the newbs I think. Tomorrow the little 'uns are coming and I'm so excited! I miss those little cuties so much! They just make me happy all the time. I'm hoping the season will be a good one. We've got lots of new players but they all seem really dedicated and willing to work hard, so we should be pretty good after some intense practicing. Alyssa and I were reminiscing about our first year of lacrosse. Well, mostly we talked about our old assistant coach Heather, but it made me kind of sad that this would be my last year playing for Lehi. So far, I haven't been able to find anything about a lacrosse teame at SUU or BYUI, which are my two main considerations for college. I might just have to start a club when I get there, cause I don't know what I'll do without lacrosse. (Besides get lazy and fat)

Bored in Photography

2009-01-21T12:09:00.000-08:00

Nothing like blogging while you're supposed to be working on a project due in two days. Don't worry parents who never read my blog anyway, it will get done. So yes, here I am in photography class bored out of my mind. (Don't get my wrong, it's a way cool class.) Today's been basically a drag. I got a text from coach telling me about conditioning starting tomorrow and strangely enough that was pretty much the highlight of my day.
Jake has a llama on his computer. There, that's my random moment of the day. Anyway, I'm really not sure what the point of this is. Ooh, good song.
Omg, so, super hott man on American Idol last night. ;) He's been in the cast of Wicked for about a year and a half, which, ya know, only adds to his really gorgeous eyes and smile. Anyway, he was a really good singer and he's probably one of my favs of the moment. Unfortunately, Salt Lake auditions won't be airing for like, another week. Tonight is Kentucky and I'm pretty sure there's a few more cities before S.L. so yeah. I'm not famous yet, :).
Other than those aspects of my exciting life, um...yeah. I got nothing. Except I still have an hour of this class left so...I'll just keep rambling on pointlessly.
Jake wants me to talk about how much I hate him...except I don't. Aw, for cute.
I don't want to work today. I mean, hooray for money but, ugh. I really want to go to young womens...did I really just say that? I guess so. Not that young womens is bad, but we just got a new presidency and I'm a little...wary? I'm not sure if that's the right word. Worried? Unsure? Something along those lines. *One more night, one more time!* Another good song. I think I'm working with Sandee tonight, and she always keeps things interesting so it shouldn't be too bad.
Well, if I have any hope of somebody actually reading this, I better stop right now. I could start trash talking people and it wouldn't matter because nobody will actually read to this point...no, I don't talk bad about people...

British Masterworks Concert

2009-01-13T21:02:00.000-08:00

There are somethings high school singers can only dream about. Having the opportunity to work with a world renowned musician is one of those dreams. Guess what? I got to live it. For several months my Encore choir has been working on some intensely difficult songs (including the forty-something page Gloria!). Then, this past weekend, we got to have it all come together. My choir, along with the top choirs from other schools in the distric met at American Fork High School after school this past friday to meet our conductor. The famous Craig Jessop. Okay, so I realize you non-music fanatics probably won't recognize his name. He conducted the mormon tabernacle choir. Ring any bells? Anyway, he's awesome.
We worked on our three (I guess technically six, Gloria has three parts) songs from 3:30 pm to 9:30 pm. Stopping only once for a dinner break. I was amazed at how much improvement our choir of about 200 members was able to make in only a short amount of time. The knowledge and love Dr. Jessop had for music was contageous. Even the advice that only required changing one thing about how we sang made an audible difference. It was so incredible to be part of a choir who wanted to be there and wanted to sound better than anything.
Well, I finally got to go home with no voice. Then, after a night of "rest" and absolutely no speaking allowed I was up again at 7:30 the next morning. We met at A.F. Highschool again at about 9:30. We then sang until our break at noon. By this time, we were sounding pretty good. Ok, that's a lie. We sounded REALLY good. But once again, my voice was really suffering. (Didn't help that I had a monster cough. *grr*)
Molly and I decided to go chill at the mall for three hours instead of heading home. During our break Dr. Jessop was working with the orchestra, which consisted of and organ professor and the BYU brass orchestra. Molly and I had fun window-shopping, losing her jacket, finding her jacket, and eating pretzels and really good lemonade. We decided we'd better head to Provo because we really had no idea where the tabernacle was. Luckily, we found it on time and had about 2 hours to rehearse with the band. Everything was really coming together. I had no idea a high school choir could sound so (my dad hates this word) AMAZING! I mean, we sounded like the motab for crying out loud! Then we had a dinner break, which we didn't use for dinner. Instead, Molly and I went to her sister's dorm to change clothes, then we met up with Thomas, Stephen, Nate, and Brad at some random store they'd found.
It was almost concert time. We all piled into my car and drove back to the tabernacle. I have to admit I was a little disappointed at the audience turn-out. There really weren't a whole lot of people there. And I'm telling you, this concert should have cost money it was so good! With a bit of last minute instruction and instrument tunage, our songs began.
This was truly the greatest concert I have ever been a part of. I just got chills all over during the songs (especially when the boys sang ;) ). I deffinitely have a greater appreciation for music and especially for dedication. There wasn't one person who decided that they didn't want to give their all, that mediocracy was good enough for them. Everyone wanted to impress the audience, to make them go, "wait a second, who's this choir and how old are they?" and I really think we did!

...Yeah

2009-01-07T21:36:00.001-08:00

Well, Christmas is obviously over so I figured I'd better get something else up on this thing...except I have nothing to write about. *sigh* Well, I'm really confused about some stuff right now, but no one wants to hear about that. I just feel like I'm being pushed way further than my maturity level can handle. Ah well, that's high school...I think. Maybe it's just me. Anyway, some exciting news. I got my first real college acceptance. SUU all the way. It's a cool school, my cousin really likes it, so if BYU doesn't work out I'll probably be partying it up down there. I'm real excited for college. Mostly I just kind of want to get way, not really away from anybody or from anywhere, mostly just myself. I want a fresh start, and college seems like a great place to do that. So let's hope I can survive the last few months!

Commercial Christmas?

2008-12-08T11:37:00.000-08:00

Here we are again, that wonderful time of year. Christmas. Many people think that Christmas has become too commercial, that everyone is too caught up in gifts and shopping and decorations. But what defines Christmas as commercial? Everyone I know is all for giving at Christmas time. I don't know anybody (little kids aside) that is obsessed with what they will get and how much of it. There's the families that won't have a Christmas. So when others give freely of themselves and help them have a good Christmas, does that mean that poor family is greedy for wanting a Christmas with presents? Of course not! So those of us who are financially sound are guilty of being greedy because we get excited for Christmas?
Everyone also says that decorations are too elaborate and fake. Almost every sort of decoration we have is symbolic of that first Christmas long ago when our Savior was born. The Christmas tree, string lights, wreaths, etc. The Christmas spirit is in our hearts, true, but not everyone has an open heart. They need actions and sights to help soften their hatred for the world so that they too might feel the joy that comes with Christmas. Those that are obsessed with feeling the "true" Christmas spirit and trying to make it "not commercial" are the ones who are bitter all season and never do feel the Christmas spirit. Take it to someone who's mom puts on Christmas music all year round, all these "commercial" parts of Christmas are just ways people get into the real spirit.
Don't get me wrong. There are many people out there who ARE greedy and are unwilling to give to others because they always feel like THEY need more. They aren't truly happy. They think Christmas is about getting gifts and if Christmas is supposed to be happy then they must need more gifts to be happy. I love giving to others. I love service. I know I don't do it as often as I should, but when I do I feel happier than anything in the world. Am I a good person? I like to think so. Am I excited for presents? Of course I am! I'm human! Just because I like getting things, doesn't mean I'm not allowed to enjoy giving things. There just needs to be a balance.
Anyway, that's my rant. Granted a lot of people I know will probably be mad at me for this and start an argument. *sigh* Oh well, this is my opinion and it comes from my heart. I love Christmas!

2008-11-23T20:50:00.000-08:00

Yes, well, apparently everyone's mad at me because I never post anything. Not my fault. I have nothing to talk about and nothing happens in my life. And nobody wants to hear me complain which is all I do. So um...yeah, Twilight was amazing but if I write about that I'll probably get a bunch of comments saying "no it wasn't" and all that jazz. Um, Sadie's was fun, read about it on Shalece's blog. I decided yesterday I want to quit my job but I can't. Leadership training was super fun yesterday and I learned a lot and I think I'll get better at my calling now. I wanna play lacrosse. I'm excited for my party with the smash cats on tuesday, although it means I don't get to see the play again. I have to work every day of break which really pretty much sucks. I'm about to get yelled at for still being on the computer. I didn't do my English homework...again. I don't want to get up for early morning tomorrow. I wish I had time to read my new book. I wish I could write so I could finish my book. I wish I knew why boys are like, not attracted to me. I'm pissed that Utah won but I won't write about that either because then most my friends will laugh in my face...they will anyway. I said I wasn't going to complain but that's pretty much all I'm doing, get over it. Crap, I forgot to do my laundry, guess I'm wearing sweats tomorrow. My lips hurt, I need chapstick. My mom's in a really bad mood because she refuses to take her pain medication 'cause it makes her throw up. I think this is long enough now. Goodbye.

Choir Concert

2008-10-19T16:15:00.001-07:00

On October 8th we had our first choir concert of the year. It was, how shall I put this, a huge sucess! The dinner part got super chaotic and was kind of an emotional nightmare. By 3:00 that day, only 62 people had bought tickets to dinner. We ended up having nearly 200 people come and weren't exactly prepared for that. Anyway, it all worked out. After calming everybody down and re-learning to breathe, Mrs. C. got us all together to warm up.

Anyone who was stupid enough to goof around (sophmores) received her infamous death-glare. After the voice-methods class sang, everybody got on and did "Betelehemua" (or however you spell that.) It's in an African dialect and it was freaking awesome! We had some of the faculty on drums and the lead soloist of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir did a solo. So it was pretty awesome. Then we all "calmly" got to our next designated spots which happened without any traumatic problems and my acapella choir sang "Wanting Memories," which was one of my favorites. After some other songs that I was too busy worrying to pay attention to, Encore (me!), sang an acapella version of "Seasons of Love" from the musical RENT. It was probably the best we've ever sang it and it's such an amazing song.
I don't really know the order of the rest of the songs, but we sang "Domine" There were several other special soloists that Mrs. C. got to come perform and it was awesome. They all had their own solo and sang with us during "Domine." I was really impressed with the sophmore choir and bravo choir. Mostly because last year bravo didn't, erm, well, they didn't sound good. A couple of the songs the sophmore's did went too high for them and it hurt the ears a little. :) But other than that they were good.

We had a much too short intermission before the show continued. It started off with the most hilarious duet ever sung by Brad and Tamera. It was a huge hit and the audience was just laughint histerically.

During the second half, Encore performed a medley of ABBA songs complete with solos, dances, and looking like idiots.

It was so much fun! I really got the thrill of performing because in the other choirs we just stand there. The applause was so loud and it just felt awesome!!!

After the show, mostly Encore and a few other choir members headed up to Maggie Moos for ice cream. Those poor staff members, they were so ready to close when about 20 of us showed up. Oh well! It was fun to bond together because I don't know a lot of the members very well and most of them have been in it for a couple years or at least know each other from musical theater and stuff. I never really feel left out, because all of them are way nice, I just feel like I don't fit in. But it was way fun!

All in all, the concert was super amazing and was one of the best we've ever done I think. Thanks to all of those who came! To all those who couldn't or didn't...NEXT TIME! lol Just kidding!

Junior Lacrosse

2008-10-11T10:15:00.001-07:00

I just got back from the Smash Cats game. We played Judge-Evergreen and kicked trash! Yeayah! lol It was pretty awesome. It was snowing like crazy but they all did great. Missy was like, tearing up and down the field and her crease rolls are fifty times better than mine. :) I was super stoked that T-Dawg and Miami both scored. Mo and Haley had some awesome teamwork going on and just kept scoring! And of course, props to our main line of defense Nike, Sid, Kira, Mikay, and our awesome goalie Eli!They did so amazing it was like a brick wall! The final score was 12-7 so it was pretty rad. I can't beleive we only have 2 games left and I have to miss the last one. Stupid ACT. Who cares about my future. jk I don't have any recent pics on my computer yet so these are just some from practice!

Random Rantings

2008-10-06T17:06:00.000-07:00

Well, as much as I love lacrosse I was getting a little bored of only seeing 'it' when I got on my blog. So here is my random post I felt like doing right now...Except I have nothing to talk about. This will be interesting. I'm sure you'd love to hear about all my tragic life stories right now, but that's not really the sort of rant I was aiming for. Plus, I want to actually make it sound like I'm a good writer and keep you intersted in this. Which will be hard. Hmm. Where to begin. Oh here's a fun story. So I have Seminary fourth period. Wonderful time of the day. I'm so hyped up and ready to be out of school I don't know how Bro. Tolman can handle me. In honor of this past General Conference we had the yearly "General Conference Jeopardy." Let me just say this, competiveness and Seminary should not mix with Candice. I'm surprised I still have my voice. Okay, it wasn't just me. Everybody was yelling and going crazy. The best part was when Smallz team got the points for something we totally answered first. "You're so full of it Smallz!" I shouted. "You wanna go!?" She yelled back. It kind of took off from there. She climbed over the desk and we tackled each other to the ground. There was mostly a lot of laughing and chokeholds going on. I think I may have accidentaly kicked Mike or Chelsey a couple of times. My bad. Well, there wasn't a whole lot of room in between the desks, so the fight didn't last long. We got up and sat back down and my Seminary teacher was pretty much laughing hysterically. "I can honestly say that that has never happened in any of my classes before." He gasped. I think he needs more excitement in his life. So that's basically my story for the day. I love Seminary!

Junior Lacrosse

2008-10-01T12:49:00.001-07:00

This year I'm an assistant coach for Lehi's new Jr. League, the Smash Cats. They're girls grade 3-6 and I love them! They're so cute and are getting good so fast! They've only won one of their games but they've been playing against girls who are mostly all in 6th grade and have been playing for a few years. We only have one girl who's ever played before. Smallz and I came up with nicknames for all the girls. We've got T-Dawg, DJ, Miami, California, Car, Missy, Speedy, Sam, Pastry, Sid, Eli, Nike, Mikay, Choncho, and Mo. And I'll feel really bad if I forgot somebody! :)

Lehi Lacrosse

2008-10-01T12:45:00.001-07:00

So, basically my page is really boring right now so I'm gonna talk about Lacrosse, 'cause it's the best. Our first game was last week and we...lost. But it's okay, because we played pretty okay and against Jordan (who's taken state 5 years in a row). I scored the most goals out of my team but wasn't MVP. K-Baby was the second best goalie of all the teams with a save average of almost 71%! Our new players did basically amazing, once they figured out what was going on. :) Today is our second game and I'm pretty stoked for it. I think we'll deffinitely play a lot better than last game!