Lately I've been feeling down, just not liking how life was going and feeling like everything was going wrong for me and it was just not fun. Spring break gave me a chance to kind of take a break and figure some stuff out. I've always beleived everything happens for a reason, but it's been hard to think that lately because, well, like i said, everything was going wrong and I couldn't find a reason behind it. But there were reasons, they just weren't reasons I wanted. However, after a day of reflecting a bit today, I've come to accept that somethings happen for reasons that aren't easy for you, but benefit the lives of others you love and care about. Ok, I realize this is really vague, but get over it, cause I'm gonna keep going. You may think there's a reason something should happen one way but then it happens another. So of course you can't see THAT reason because you think your reasoning is correct. Well it's not, and sometimes it sucks, a lot. Sometimes something happens that you feel is unfair or harsh. You may feel hurt, betrayed, and just plain upset. There is a reason for all of this, and no, it's not just because God feels like pushing you around a bit. It's because He sees a much bigger picture and what will eventually be better for everyone in the long run. Accepting what has happened or is happening and accepting that He is looking out for you is the easiest way to feel better about what's going on and that he has something (or someone) else in mind for you.
So I'm in computers class right now and this is an assignment. We were supposed to make blogs and post something about Web 2.0 but I already have a blog so I'm just posting. Web 2.0 is amazing. Granted some of us people have become a little addicted and over-reliant, but it is still a wonderful thing. For example, I've connected with friends that moved away in elementary school through Facebook. I'm able to know how my friends, family, sports teams, favorite bands, etc. are doing. I have a place to put all my pictures and videos so they don't fill up memory on my computer. I think Web 2.0 affects our society in both productive and destructive ways. It's productive in all the ways I listed before. However, internet stalkers, pedophiles, etc. have complete access to anyone they would like.
Ok, well, since it's officially been...forever since I last posted I figured while I'm sitting in bed wondering if it's worth it to get up and get ready I'd update a bit. It's summer. Yay! Except not so much because all I do is work and sleep. *sigh* I need a life. Anyway, getting super stoked for college though! I checked my roomate out on facebook and she seems pretty much amazing! I'm way excited! Her name's Andie and I think we'll get along great! Oh, and I'm going to SUU. Don't think a lot of people know that. Dunno what I'm gonna major in yet though. Oh well, I got time. I'm a little bummed out that all my friends are staying here, but it'll be SOOOO nice to get away. Plus, making new friends is great. :) 1...2...3... TOPIC CHANGE!!! wow, ok, so Harry Potter 6 comes out on wednesday and I'm going to the midnight showing with 2 of my best friends! yay! It's gonna be awesome! And of course I work the next morning so I'm gonna be exhausted. Party. Granted, I always hate the movies cuz they suck compared to the books so I don't really know why I let myself get so excited but whatever. Oh my gosh our power goes out so much! Sorry, random, but I just looked at my clock and it's flashing. We've seriously lost power like, 4 times in the past few days. Ugh! I blame the never ending construction work. Well....yah, that's pretty much all I got. So I'm gonna go back to doing nothing on Facebook! yay!
I realized I haven't posted in a month and should probably update, but the thing is I don't really know what to update about. I would like to talk about General Conference this weekend, but I don't really want to go get my notes and I don't really know how to write my thoughts anway. This has been a common problem lately. However, there was one talk that I really liked. Ugh, I can't even remember who said it...possibly Holland...I don't know. But it was on change. The examples and stuff he gave didn't really apply to me, but the all around topic and ways of dealing with change were really good for me.
I hate change. I'm not a fan of having to adjust to different situations, different places, different problems, etc. My main problem with change is friendships. Lately, it's been really hard. I mean, I understand that I'll be graduating in two months and it's probably for the best that we get used to going our seperate ways, but like I said, I'm not good at dealing with it. Friends I used to spend every waking minute with or talking to are moving on to other friendships. I hate the feelings of jealousy I'm suddenly consumed by, and the thousands of questions running in my head: what I did wrong, what I could have done, what I could still do; all of them pointless because the truth is there wasn't anything, life is just changing naturally. Other friends that I spent lunch with, had parties with, and saw and talked to frequently are rarely around. They are absorbed with plans for their future lives, which, unlike me, they have accepted will not include most the people they associated with.
Ok, I've got my notes now, it was Elder Snow that gave the talk. Anyway, he gave four steps to help with facing change. 1. Follow the Prophets -I thought this mostly applied to changes in the world and how to deal with them, which is good and his advice was fantastic, but it didn't really apply to my situation. 2. Keep an eternal perspective -This one really helped. Especially with my friend situation. I know that some of the friendships I have will be eternal. Even if I lose contact or grow distant from them now, if we strive to make the right choices, we will have eternity to catch up and spend time together. Throughout our lives we will form incredible friendships, however, 80% of these will lose strength over time. We can't dwell on the past and hold on to something that must change. 3. Have Faith -Faith in Christ, faith in the plan. Change is an essential part of the plan, in all aspects. We need to have faith in Christ that things will be ok. Things will work out and if we keep Him in our lives then we will be able to cope with change and have someone to go to when others are disappearing. 4. Be of good cheer -Change can be extremely hard some time. Changes in life's circumstances could include things like death of friends or family, this is a kind of change no one wants to deal with. But in company with having an eternal perspective, being of good cheer encourages us to look forward and hold on to the gosepl to guide us through change and challenges.
That ended up being a lot longer than I thought. Guess that means I'm good for another month. ;) Just kidding. Those are just my thoughts on that one talk, there were plenty that got me thinking and helped me out with a lot.
So, I was sitting around sick today reading a book. The character was trying to decide which college to go to. I suddenly had a reality check. I haven't decided what college I want to go to. I've been pretty set on BYUI, but I haven't even really looked at it or the other two colleges I've been accepted to. I also tell everyone that I want to major in teaching English, but I really haven't thought much about that either. It feels natural when I say it, but I haven't really checked out what I'm getting myself into. I had some encouragement from my 9th grade English teacher. I went to visit her and found out she got her English major from BYUI and said she liked it better there than BYU provo. So I guess that helped some. I guess my worry is that I've made decisions without really thinking about them. The character in my book was constantly praying and asking what they should do. I really haven't done a lot of that. I mean, I know they're all great choices, but maybe I'm really supposed to go somewhere God wants me to at this time in my life. A lot of my girl friends are talking about wanting to serve missions too. They asked if I wanted to and I said I didn't know, that I hadn't really thought about it. I'm terrified to ask about that though, 'cause if the answer is yes I might freak out a little. I guess I haven't really thought about how big these decisions are that I'm facing at this point in my life. But they pretty much can determine the rest of my life. And don't worry, I'm not like, 'freaking out' and 'under too much pressure' right now, I just needed to get my thoughts down in writing. Anyway, if anyone has some advice it's very welcome. :)
For Family Home Evening last night, we decided to get out some old family videos. We ended up watching them until about 10 o'clock. I really miss those days when things weren't so complicated and life was just good. My brothers and sisters were adorable and we all had fun together. Although, I did discover that Kate acts exactly like I did. That was quite strange and I'm still in denial about it. I think I'll be able to tolerate and understand her a little more easily though.
My dad revealed to us that when Colin was little, my dad thought he was giong to be retarded. We all got a huge laugh out of that and now Colin is using it to his advantage. Saying he doesn't have to do chores because he's retarded. We also started to worry a little bit about me and some of the strange things I did on film.
I loved seeing and remembering loved ones that have passed on and looking forward to the day when I'll see them again. It was funny to see some of my old friends who I'm still friends with now and how much they've changed.
Basically, we all had a great time sitting around, eating brownies, and watching ourselves. It felt good to spend time together. I got a little sad when I thought about how soon I'll be moving out and starting a life of my own. I hope I can create some awesome memories for my kids like my parents did for me.
It's been a couple week since I posted and I'm sitting here not wanting to go to bed so I guess I'll give some lacrosse updates. Today was our first stick practice...we shoveled snow the whole time. Coach was like, "We'll practice on the tennis courts because we can shovel that and the field is covered in snow." Yeah, uh, there was at least a foot of snow on the courts too. So after about an hour all 20 of us had managed to clear off about a quarter of one court. Kind of pointless. But it was fun nonetheless. Kay and Smallz were being crazy as always and I made the dumb mistake of tackling Kay into the snow. I was freezing the rest of the evening. Anyway, it was some cool bonding with the newbs I think. Tomorrow the little 'uns are coming and I'm so excited! I miss those little cuties so much! They just make me happy all the time. I'm hoping the season will be a good one. We've got lots of new players but they all seem really dedicated and willing to work hard, so we should be pretty good after some intense practicing. Alyssa and I were reminiscing about our first year of lacrosse. Well, mostly we talked about our old assistant coach Heather, but it made me kind of sad that this would be my last year playing for Lehi. So far, I haven't been able to find anything about a lacrosse teame at SUU or BYUI, which are my two main considerations for college. I might just have to start a club when I get there, cause I don't know what I'll do without lacrosse. (Besides get lazy and fat)